Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my being single is dangerous.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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