guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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