Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
