Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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