none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
