it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My cat gives me a boner
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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