I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
