thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
