i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
