Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
