I am in a vortex of obligation.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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