at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
