I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
