We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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