Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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