Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
