I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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