For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize