I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
