No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
