Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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