The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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