a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
