wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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