When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
