u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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