I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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