I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
