I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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