oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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