farters have to be the big spoon...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
