what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
