Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
