he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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