Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
