Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
