A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
