Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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