we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
