I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
