Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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