If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
