you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
