Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
