I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
