Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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