I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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