heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
