I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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