he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
