I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
