So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
