I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dick very happy bro
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
