Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
