i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
