I just pynch a tree in the face
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
