Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's always time for handjobs
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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