Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
