She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
